It’s rare to get a patient’s permission to share their story —
but today, I’d like to share one.
I had a patient, a female university student, who struggled socially.
She didn’t have many close friends, and one of the few people she did consider a “friend” was, unfortunately, more of a bully.
This “friend” was actually a former colleague—
someone who only showed up when she needed help,
but disappeared the moment she got what she wanted.
Whenever the student was going through a hard time or needed someone to talk to,
this friend would leave her on read.
She repeatedly borrowed money and never returned it.
She even managed to assign her own work tasks to the student, as if she had some right to demand help.
Anyone observing from the outside could clearly see—
this was a one-sided, exploitative relationship.
And the student knew it too.
But she just couldn’t bring herself to cut ties or block this person.
Every few weeks, she would come in upset and depressed after being hurt again.
And yet, every time we discussed the option of:
Setting boundaries to protect herself
or
Blocking this toxic person altogether
She would freeze—too overwhelmed to take action.
If I pushed the conversation, it would even trigger a panic attack.
I honestly struggled to understand why she couldn’t leave the relationship.
Some of the reasons she gave included:
- “I’ve already helped her so much. It’s painful to just give up.”
- “She might retaliate in scary ways if I cut her off.”
And while these concerns are understandable,
they weren’t truly catastrophic.
Even the student herself admitted she couldn’t fully explain why it felt so terrifying.
But whenever she thought about cutting this person off,
her anxiety would spike, and panic would kick in.
I have a theory:
This pattern between the student and her ex-colleague had lasted 4 years.
She had grown accustomed to this relationship.
Accustomed to complying with her friend’s demands.
Accustomed to being taken advantage of.
So breaking off the relationship — blocking her —
meant doing something she had never done before.
It would lead to an unknown outcome.
And even though she rationally knew it would be good for her,
emotionally, stepping out of that toxic comfort zone felt terrifying.
I suspect the fear was amplified because she couldn’t explain why she was so anxious.
That uncertainty made her think:
“If I’m this nervous about ending the relationship,
there must be some big terrible consequence I’m not seeing.”
The Turning Point
Fortunately, I finally convinced her to block the toxic friend —
through tears, she did it.
And just as we predicted,
the former friend didn’t care.
She didn’t react at all.
No drama. No retaliation.
My patient felt anxious for about 2–3 hours after blocking her.
But soon after, that fear disappeared.
She stopped worrying about this person.
Stopped feeling anxious, stopped feeling helpless.
Because the truth is:
Once you step out of your comfort zone, emotional adjustment doesn’t take that long.
Anxiety grows stronger the more you avoid.
Facing it directly is the fastest way to shrink it.
And after that day,
my job became a whole lot easier.
No more recurring depression.
No more frustration from being used again and again.
Finally — finally —
she was free.
by Dr. Lim Po Ting
A Psychiatrist in Penang
